Panic Attack
by Lidsworth
Summary: Asami isn't running away, far from it. He's simply letting Takaba go.


**AN:(Happy Easter!) This will probably be posted like five days after I write this, or even a month, but it's a little one-shot, and I probably won't post it on fanciction first, maybe Ao3 or Deviantart. Anyways, it's a norm for Asami to be the one to leave Takaba, and to move on. Even in my own works, I write about that all the time, but i'm just making this one different. It's just a tiny oneshot while I reflect on my life, and the people I like and love (though, I don't think that at 17, i'm in love with anyone, attracted, yes, love, no). Also, a small poem I wrote a while ago inspired me to write this, i'll link the poem to my fanfiction page if you're interested. **

**But since i'm working on it now, I might add, this is the first in a series of updates i'm planning to do throughout the week. I looked at "Must be the Nargles" and thought to myself, _I really need to finish that. _It's Easter Sunday, so it's a given that i'll try to update "Mission Trip"(but that probably won't even happen), and i'm trying to write a small sci-fi story that i'll probaly post tomorrow or on ao3 today. So there you have it, i'm going it be busy, and don't even get me started on the Kuroshitsuji stories, I really need to post one more, and update the _one _i've got. **

**Summary: Asami's not running away, far from it. He's simply letting Takaba go. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Finder Series. **

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Why he even entertained the idea of going, he had not a clue. Perhaps it was the tugging in his chest, the string that lead him to that bright eyed, blond headed photographer wherever he went. His eyes were glued to him, unmoving, unyielding...yet his weren't the only ones.

Like himself, friends had traveled from Japan to American, in order to attend this ceremony, this glorious ceremony awarded to he who deserved it.

The area was beautiful, lit by torches, and illuminated by hanging lights. He stood behind a tree, one of many that littered the beach around him. In front of him were seats, rows of white chairs, decorated in leafy patterns, customary of Hawaii.

And further up the isle, stood Asami's heart.

Stood Asami's hearth with another, and suddenly, Asami reminded himself that this was no longer his heart, that Takaba Akihito was no longer his photographer, that Takaba Akihito was a thing of the past, and was to be married in less than thirty seconds.

For him the time seemed longer, the words seemed slower, the motions like melting ice.

And the command was issued, the command that sealed the fate of the two on the altar, forever.

Part of Asami hoped that Takaba would step away, that he'd call off the wedding, that he'd crawl back to Shinjuku and **beg** to be taken by Asami again.

But the photographer's tears told another story, and only one with an eye as well trained as Asami could have picked it up.

Relief, and happiness fell to the ground as Takaba cried tears of joy. The image was so vivid, so clear, that Asami could practically hear the blond sobbing, "I"m Free!'"

And then Asami watched as Takaba leaned in, slowly and carefully, praying that this moment in his cruel life was not a dream, was not an illusion.

Takab leaned in...

Asami's chest constricted...

And he kissed the being on the altar before him.

While Takaba's tears fell, Asami's emotions flared.

He needed a smoke, but didn't have the cigarettes. He needed to leave, but he wanted to stay.

He wanted to wake up, but this wasn't a dream.

It was a nightmare.

Had he ever made Takaba cry tears of joy, had he made him smile like this person on the altar was doing at this very moment, could he even be excepted by Takaba's family?

For the first time in ages, Asami felt a ping of jealousy and guilt. Jealousy at Akihito's new spouse, and guilt at the things he himself could not do for the photographer.

He could never make him happy, never.

And the repercussion of his realization was hitting him head on.

"_Congratulations," _he wheezed under his breath, for the sudden reality of the situation had welled up an unknown anxiety in Asami's chest.

He was struggling to breath, struggling to come to terms with the situation.

The breathing was getting harder, his chest was beginning to ache.

Dizzy, he was getting dizzy, the world spun around him, his hands tingled excitedly, his body began to shake uncontrollably.

He was no stranger to the sensation, yet assumed he'd ridded himself of his condition years ago.

But the vices associated with a panic attack hit him at full force.

With all his strength, he struggled to stay up and to stay awake.

_You can't pass out, _he reminded himself, _you only think you can. _

He fought to maintain his breathing, to save his oxygen before it escaped his lungs.

He needed to leave, to go, to forget

Far before him, he could see Akihito leaning against his lover, hugging them, and pulling them into a heated embrace. They dove for another kiss, and luckily, Asami had found just enough strength to turn away before his heart gave out.

He willed himself to walk away, and after the mental struggle, he managed to do so.

The music and festivities fell mute to his numb ears as he walked up the sandy path, occasionally leaning on trees or the venue structure in order to maintain his upright posture.

He received concerned glances from the staff that maintained the outside venue, yet even in his ragged state, he returned their concerned gazes with angry stares.

He didn't need their pity, nor did he need their scorn.

He didn't _need _anything.

Not a family, or friends, or love, or anything that weighed his heart down, and he certainly didn't need Takaba Akihito.

Never again. He planned to leave, until a familiar voice caught his attention.

"I always told you this cigarettes would kill you."

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

Takaba had paused on the altar, as he cast a glance into the crowd. Prior to his shock, he'd been happy to see that his entire family had flown into Hawaii to be there with him, not to mention his friends, who'd made the tedious trip from Japan to come to America as well.

This moment would have been perfect, had he not allowed his gaze to wonder far down the isle, where his gaze caught on a random bystander.

His blood froze, and his heart skipped a beat.

He didn't need to further investigate to know who that figure was. It was like a shadow, _he _ was like a shadow, that consumed Takaba wherever he went.

Asami Ryuichi was going to snatch him from his wedding, he was going to ruin it, he was going to ruin his life.

Takaba looked away for the kiss, the fear ridden attitude took over him, his trembling ignited tenfold, and the tears began prickling down his cheeks.

His partner grabbed him, pulled him into the kiss, an as the figure began staggering in Takaba's peripheral vision, he felt an ounce of regret whell up inside of his chest.

Was Asami hurt...was he in pain?

Why did Takaba_his name wasn't even going to be Takaba anymore, was it_why did Akihito even care?

With little regret, he turned back to his spouse, and fully submerged himself into the kiss.

_You want this for yourself, Aki! Your family wants this for you, your friends do too! Just...just be happy, just be happy..._through a tearful gaze, he willed himself to indulge in the sensation, the wonderful sensation.

But all the while, he could only see Asami, could only feel Asami...

He looked up, the figure was gone.

He figured he should have been relieved, should have jumped for joy, but he felt emptier than he ever had.

He felt like a hollow, a painful hollow.

"I-i'll be back," he told his newly wedded spouse, kissing them affectionately on the lips, "I've gotta_i'll be back! Just wait here!"

"Aki! You're crying, " the bubbly voice filled the air, "It's okay, i'm crying too! Go get some fresh air!"

Thankful for his spouse's understanding, Takaba darted down the isle, away from the glances of his friends and his family, and into the outside venue.

There, he saw him. Doubled over, his hand on a chair, and struggling to stay up.

"I always told you that your cigarettes would kill you."

Takaba himself was surprised by the control in which he'd gained in his voice, as well as the authority.

He decided to test it again, "Asami, what are you doing here?"

Asami looked at him from the corner of his eyes, and for the first time in his life, Akihito saw an array of different shades of gold flutter through the eyes.

It reminded him of Asami and Fei Long, and the look that had graced Asami's features after he'd been shot.

"I was just passing through," he lied as he masked his pain, "I was on my-"  
"Stop following me," Takaba spoke quick, and cut off any bullshit Asami attempted to throw at him, "You said I could go, and I'm going! I hoped that you'd stay true to your own promise," Takaba bellowed, and Asami could see the tears reforming , "you said you wanted me to be happy, so leave me alone."

Takaba sighed as he bit back another sob. He did not want to do this to Asami, he didn't want to cut the man out of his life.  
Because when he did, he'd be cutting out a piece of his own heart.

But he wanted to be happy, he wanted to he free.

"Be gone," Takaba turned his back towards Asami, closing his eyes and inhaling sharply, "By the time I come back, and bring my family with me...disappear from my life. Or I _will_ expose you. And you wouldn't kill me Asami, would you?"

He didn't answer.

Asami didn't have to look back to know that Takaba had left. The warmth associated with the spirited photographer had evaporated into the crisps night air.

Asami felt a piece of his heart crumble into nothingness.

"S-sir," unbeknownst to him, a small group of workers had accumulated during Akihito's small outburst, and had seen the entire thing, "are you okay?"

As Takaba disappeared, Asami regained his unstable composure, and something else in addition to it.

His depression. He could feel it growing in the pit of his stomach, painfully gnawing at his insides.

It would grow worse with time.

He turned away from the woman before she could engage in further conversation, "I'm fine, thank you," he said quietly, adjusting his clothing.

Walking away, he refused to look back, refused to reclaim what was his. Because Asami wasn't really running away, he was just choosing to let Takaba go.

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Okay, got that of the check list, just three more stories to work on! But i'm continuing this, and i'm also debating on whether i'll update "The Art of Friendship" and if I do, it'll be over the summer. This is going to be a multi-chapter story, so don't get scared! I'm planning to finish it, and given its name sake, it'll have a lot to do with panic attacks and Asami. As of now, I mentioned before, but i'm working on a Sci-Fi fic I really want to get out there, so hopefully I can post it, along with some of my other updates out there tomorrow. By the way, Happy Easter, and God bless each and everyone of you. If you're having problems, and would like to talk to someone about them, shoot me a PM, I'd be glad to help. Again, have a nice Easter, a nice weekend/week, and God bless. **


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